How did you find happiness with another person? What am I missing? What is wrong with me?

Do I even need to find happiness with another person? It just seems better that way. Everything feels so meaningless to me. I hold my friends at a distance. Nothing compares to the comfort of coming home from work and arguing with you about eating dinner at the table and not in front of the TV but doing it anyway and watching movies and special features ad nauseum in the place we called home for just a little while. I don't think you understand me (and that's ok), but man that was life . I tried a hundred different things to alter my concept of reality but if I am honest with myself you are still my root definition of happiness. How f++++ is that? And I am (because of that) unable to let you slip away into the past.

A colleague explained the happiness in his marriage (15 years now). His wife knows that he isn't going to change and he knows she isn't going to change. They have accepted each other and all their faults.

It's funny to talk to other divorced people, aside from the bitterness and sometimes extreme anger, it seems that everyone-even those that would never go back to their ex- still believe they will never find someone that compares. Maybe it's tightly coupled to the nostalgia for one's youth.

I screwed this whole thing up. I bought a house and filled it with a bunch of shit. Now I'm stuck here. Stuck with the only job in town, with no potential for advance or raise; screwed if I get fired. Stuck in a part of the world where the only people you meet are students or govt employees. I'm a pot of gold to both and I can feel it .

I should have stayed small and simple but I had to prove to myself that I could live bigger and better than you. That I didn't need you. Well look at me. I am not a $325/hour attorney or big shot surgeon. I am a lucky to be six figures computer geek. I can't compete. You will go places in life and do things that I can only dream of. And that is part of why I am so upset with our resolution. I treated you to a pretty nice life for quite a while. As soon as you figured out that you didn't need me, you took off. On to bigger and better things. C'mon . Be honest with yourself. How many med students had a maid doing their laundry. (Not that the maid particularly made you happy, but it was a luxury nonetheless.) Soon you'll tackle the debt that beating you up, then you'll have money to save. In 3-4 years (or whatever) you'll have a lot of money to play (And headaches about how to manage what you have saved). The thousands and thousands of dollars I spent on jewels to impress you will mean little to you, but will still be a lot to me. Hell, you're already ahead. I can't afford to take a vacation. It would be great to get away but I've got $30m in CC debt and I owe the taxman. I have $1 in cash and nada in the bank. I had to borrow $$  from a friend to pay a bill.

I hope you can see where I'm coming from. If you can't then maybe you need to take a good hard look at the world around you. Babe, you got it made in the shade. Isn't it ironic how I ended up in Florida only to want to leave and upon leaving, will want to return.

As time goes on, you will start to realize that you are the lucky one, not me. And time will go on and I will have to accept my defeats. Eke out some form of happiness in a different world.


Re: What is my point? I got nothing. No one else to talk to too. I suck.