The 'dangers' of caffeine are well documented in the DSM-IV. This is a humorous spoof on a subject that likely impacts a lot of normal peoples' sleep and anxiety levels. Listed symptoms include restlessness, nervousness, insomnia, muscle twitching, rambling flow of thought and speech, tachycardia or cardiac arrhythmia (heart palpatations), and psychomotor agitation.

Diagnostic criteria for 305.90 Caffeine Intoxication

1. Recent consumption of caffeine, usually in excess of 250 mg (e.g., more than 2-3 cups of brewed coffee).
2. Five (or more) of the following signs, developing during, or shortly after, caffeine use:
   1. restlessness
   2. nervousness
   3. excitement
   4. insomnia
   5. flushed face
   6. diuresis
   7. gastrointestinal disturbance
   8. muscle twitching
   9. rambling flow of thought and speech
   10. tachycardia or cardiac arrhythmia
   11. periods of inexhaustibility
   12. psychomotor agitation
3. The symptoms in Criterion B cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
4. The symptoms are not due to a general medical condition and are not better accounted for by another mental disorder (e.g., an Anxiety Disorder).